Tonight is my movie premier for the student film i starred in last semester. I am nervous. I have no idea how it is going to turn out, I just know it isn't my best work. I can't stand to watch myself on video if I am actually trying to act. When I'm just goofing off it is usually fine, often funny. I'm worried that this film will only be funny because it's so bad. Let's face it, the script is nothing special. It is a low budget c movie put together by a bunch of college kids. It is all melodrama and genre switching every 5 minutes. The film swings between drama, road trip movie, romantic comedy, horror film, comedy and spoof. Maybe it will actually be good, I'm just nervous. If I ever do become an actress I wonder if I will be able to watch myself in movies. I wish that I could see how everyone reacts to this one without them knowing I'm there.
I've talked about it so much now that I think everyone has high expectations. A TON of my friends are coming, my mom is driving down from New York. It is nerve wracking. It's funny. I don't really get stage fright, but having people see a movie I did, that is something different. I don't have as much control, we didn't do real rehearsals. Plus in the few clips I've seen I mostly look like hell. The makeup girl tried to curl my hair which doesn't work very well for me. It just looks stiff and messy and it is in my eyes a lot. It is all going to be ok though. I had a lot of fun doing it, that is what matters. It's my first movie.
I over-think things. I get into a mood of analyzing my every word, every person's actions. It only serves to confuse me. I have a feeling that I need to have everything figured out right now. I need to get everything done right now. But I have all the time. All the time in the world.
Now for the important question. What do I wear?
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